Lucca “Lucha” Libre

Lucca “Lucha” Libre

The masked man strikes again!

Extortion, robberies, and smuggling abound.

No one knows what he really looks like,

not even his mom!

(We know, we interrogated her.)

If you have seen this man, been robbed by this man,

or recently clothes-lined, flying monkeyed, or body slammed,

please contact local authorities immediately.

There has been a rash of sightings and it is unclear

if there is a mob of these men, or just one, changing masks.

Be on the look out for Lucha Libre wrestlers in your neighborhood.

Last seen wearing a white suit, black tie, a fedora

and a luchador mask.

We believe his name is Lucca. Lucca Libre.

Leo Black

The 50th Mobster!

Leo Black

(In the style of a 1930s Jim Croce)

Drive in his car, he’ll play the guitar,

sit right back and he’ll sing you a track.

Grumpy, frumpy, old and lumpy,

this big boss is Leo Black.

Shrewd, crude and rather rude,

he controls the land, south of the track.

Joking, smoking, always provoking

everyone from the river and back.

There was a sighting, which incited fighting,

when I got lost and found Mickey Mac.

Chaw was smacking, knuckles cracking,

I said, “Hey, Mac, cut me some slack.”

Mac grinned in the wind, and I was pinned

“Hey, I’m just a kid, and they call me Jack.”

Down on the ground, in the wrong part of town,

I needed something to stop this attack.

Black came out from my car, with my guitar,

Mac looked at him crazy, as he began to unpack.

“What’s with the case, gonna sing us a song?”

The boys came at Black to give him flak.

Then the boys all fled, away from the lead,

shooting from the case, clack clack clack!

Leo Black may be mad and real bad,

I’m just glad Black had my back.

Judge Atticus

Judge Atticus

(In the style of Jeremy Irons)

Oh, Judge Atticus, appointed for life.

Must be nice to be free from strife.

Trials in and trials out,

you seemingly judge without a doubt.

But we wonder why mob bosses run free.

Could it be, you’ve taken a fee?

Even when couples come to court to be hitched,

it seems as though you become more enriched.

The gavel comes down on a poor man, blamed.

Yet everyone knows that he’s surely been framed.

They say justice should be objective and blind.

The latter is covered, with glasses of that kind.

But the scales you carry do not weigh facts.

They weigh something green, let’s call it a “tax.”

For Illustration Friday‘s: “Hitched”

Bruce Boxer

Bruce Boxer

(In the alliterative key of B)

Boxing buffs, bring big bucks!

Booking bets before boxing bell bangs!

Buy big beers by betting boxes!

Brace before brilliant battles.

Bruce Boxer brawls Big Bad Bart!

Boss Boston bets Bruce Boxer beats Big Bad Bart.

Bam, Boom, Bang, Bop! Bloody, bruising bludgeoning!

Bruce busts Bart’s belly. Bart bangs Bruce’s back.

Bruce bounces back, bashing Bart’s breast.

Bart bounds, besieging below Bruce’s belt.

Bruce bends, broken, but boxing bells bing!

Boss Boston beckons Bruce. Boss binds bricks

between Bruce’s boxing bindings.

Boxing buzzer buzzes!

Bruce boomerangs, backfiring Bart,

bloodying brains, breaking bones.

Bart befalls blackout.

Bruce buries bricks behind back before being barred.

Porter Jones

Porter Jones

Hey porter, hey porter, can you lend a man a hand?

Help me in, and set me up, this hotel here’s rather grand!

Hey bellhop, hey bellhop, can carry this here bag?

But be easy on it, its worth a lot, but I really don’t mean to brag.

Hey doorman, hey doorman,  I don’t have a tip for you,

I don’t have have much, so a thanks will just have to do!

Hey bellman, hey bellman, I can’t seem to find my key!

Would you do me a kindness and open my door for me?

Hey deskman, hey deskman, need to speak to the manager now!

 Someone broke in my room, and I just can’t figure out how.

Hey manager, hey boss, what kind of place are you running here?

I lock my room, but when I come back, everythings-a disappear.

And a tip of the hat to Johnny Cash

Bea Ives

Beatrice Ives

Honey is sweet and tea is black.

Come on in, darling, have a snack.

Honey, cookies, pastries abound,

sugars and candies can all be found.

Beatrice is the temptress of treats,

keeper of candy, seductress of sweets.

A dollop of goodness from the old honey pot,

Your sweet lovely neighbor, is not who you thought.

Bea Buzzes around the neighborhood,

it would seem as though she’s up to no good.

Cute and dainty and like the sirens sing,

yet do not go near, Bea has a nasty sting.

And unlike the honey bee that may sting but one,

Beatrice Ives is still on the run.

So, though she may show with sweet and snack

watch out, dear neighbor, for the knife hind her back.

Detective Burkes

Detective Burkes

Lament the story of Detective Burkes.

Long hours in the field and behind the desk.

Prickly puzzles loom, unsolved cases grow,

yet on, he moves to close them one by one.

Burkes solved the case of the burned post office.

He spent days getting out of the blackmail.

The man who was shot with no entry wounds,

was finally solved as an inside job.

A donut or three and cups of coffee

help him persist when others are asleep.

“Save us!” they all yell, when troubles arise.

Then Pig, Scum and Bacon, spitefully spewed.

The poor, the beaten yet so gallant knight,

a brave, lone sailor in a sea of corrupt.

The rumpled detective, a dying breed,

humble silent solver, Detective Burkes.

For Illustration Friday’s “Puzzle”

Tommy “Buttface” Jones

Tommy “Buttface” Jones

Some call it dashing, heroic you might say.

Others say it comical, crazy, absurd.

If you think it looks strange, see the x-ray!

The line between “defined” and “abnormal” is blurred.

As a child he was teased, bullied, he’d squirm.

Butthead, buttface, and butts were all heard.

Older brother, Theo, inventing the term!

And despite, his manner is calm and reserved.

But Tommy has a penchant for righting the abused.

An eye for an eye, revenge is transferred.

Some say it noble, and often excused.

Others say it evil, use of law is preferred.

The bully of bullies, a cause and effect,

his own form of justice, faithfully incurred.

A tortured child grows big, what did you expect?

Tommy, the “Buttface” is indeed, a rare bird.

See the making of this character at SketchbookJack

“Rat” Hampton

“Rat” Hampton

Rat! Rat! I smell a rat!

A rat in a coat, scarf and hat!

Secrets! Secrets! Keep them away,

all the “Rat” does is lead you astray.

Snitch! Snitch! I spy a snitch!

Don’t let him do the ol’ bait’n’switch

Fink! Fink! I hear a fink!

Don’t ever tell him what you think.

Hush! Hush! Don’t be too vocal.

Watch out for “Rat,” the town snitch local.

For Illustration Friday‘s “Vocal”

Papa Razzi

Papa Razzi

Crack, Bang, Pop, goes the flash.
Click and Snap, goes the shutter.

Papa Razzi has got everything on camera
so be careful, and watch what you do.

He actually took this photo of himself with
the camera he is holding, tricky huh?

He took a really great shot of twins.
It was a double exposure.

He once caught Cinderella in the film shop.
She is still waiting for her prints to come.

Papa hides and sets his focus set on the mob,
but he is pretty careful not to be over exposed.

Sometimes they chase him but he is fast.
Papa has hot shoes.

I shutter to think if they caught him.
They would probably drag him off to some dark room.

He’s getting pretty old, but he will never die.
Not to be a negative, but Papa will just fade away.