“Top Hat” O’Malley

“Top Hat” O’Malley

They say money doesn’t buy happiness, but it

sure does buy some sleaze.  “Tophat” is shrewd.

He plays three card monte with one card.

He once negotiated a homeless man

out of a wooden nickle and his teeth.

He’s all brains above the brim.  I’ve seen him

without the hat, trust me, it’s not a good sight.

He packs a single round pistol under that jacket

for when he can’t seal the deal.

Edna “The Hump” Malone

Edna “The Hump” Malone

Edna is a looker, that’s for sure.

She can smoke fourteen cigarettes at a time.

A waiter once tried to put his tray on her back and

asked a busboy to help push her against a two top.

Edna has a sharp side, as if you couldn’t tell.

Maybe I should say a round side.

She packs a mean left hook,

and quite possibly a backpack under that dress.

Charlie Chins

Charlie Chins

Charlie eats alone.

He has knocked a few people out while chewing.

When he looks up, it looks like he has no face.

To get his shirt off, he has to unbutton them all the way.

Charlie has been blackballed from eighteen dentist offices.

Chins runs around with the Calhoun gang.

He’s been jailed for nine counts of slack-jawin,

six counts of involuntary jaw droppin, and

one count of first degree assault with a lethal chin.