“Smoggy” Al Crocker

“Smoggy” Al Crocker

Cough, cough, wheeze wheeze,

oh such relief and ease.

Off to the chop shop we go!

Need a new license plate, let us know.

Want a few numbers filed off your vin?

Sure, no problem, come on in.

Need your trunk recovered and new?

Pull on up, drive on through.

Want a few thousand miles on the old meter back?

Bring it on over, we’ll take a crack.

No fuss, no hassle, no fret, no haggle.

If you do you might get strangled

And don’t complain about the stench,

or you might get clonked with a wrench

Sniff, sniff, hack hack.

Thanks for coming, don’t come back.

The Milkman

The Milkman

Make sure to leave your empty bottles on the step,

or he will have to make a special, second visit.

Oh, and you butter rinse out them bottles, will ya, please?

Don’t fret with that old saying about running away with the milkman.

No running will be involved; he only drags people away.

His English is, how do you say, not so good.

I think he might be from MosCow.

Make sure you get plenty of fluids, and drink all that he leaves,

or there will be tears cried over spilled milk.

In fact, you might be buried in dirt pasteurize.

I don’t know if this milkman works for the mob,

but he sure ain’t like the udder ones.

(For Illustration Friday: “Fluid”)

“Newsie” Neil

“Newsie” Neil

Extra! Extra! Read all about it,

too much news for me to stand and shout it!

Scandals in politics, murders and crimes,

get it right here, this issue of the Times!

Mob bosses droppin’, the suspect’s still alive,

read all about it, right here on page five!

Comics and funnies, in full color print,

two full pages, worth your every cent!

Want ads are posting, classifieds abound,

hurry, get’m fast, not enough to go around!

Extra! Extra! Read all about it.

Hot pressed news and you won’t ever doubt it!

“The Wall”

“The Wall”

Ain’t no getting through this guy.

He’s the best bodyguard anyone has ever had

and he doesn’t even have to do anything, just stand there.

I have no idea where he buys his threads,

they must sew two bed sheets together.

If he is first in line at the coat check,

they close down after he leaves.

The boss once demanded to borrow his coat as a car cover.

The local tailor is the only person who knows his real name.

It’s loads of laughs watching him in a revolving door,

or an elevator, or getting in and out of cars.

But don’t laugh too loud; although those activities might

be hard for him to do, it is not that hard for him to get rid of you.

In fact, all he has to do is step in front of you.

Quincy Pid

Quincy Pid

Q. Pid seems to think he is a living incarnation of Eros.

He is either a complete genius for rigging up a Tommy gun

to fire handmade, custom carved, golden arrows or

Quincy is completely crazy for attempting to fly by

the wings of his bowler hat while leaping off buildings.

Today is his day, or at least he will try to make his day.

Keep an eye on the skies for chubby, flying, arrow-shooting UFOs.

Quincy is trying to give a new meaning to

the Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre.

He has got plenty to go around, so whether you

want one or not, he’s coming for you.

Expect to hear about Q in the morning paper,

for what, is yet to be seen.

The Mayor

The Mayor

Oh, what a following you have!

You just keep getting reelected no matter who competes.

It’s almost like they just disappear off the face of the planet.

You must be so very popular, and completely unmatched.

Or at least your wallet is.

Mr. Mayor, Mr. Mayor, what about the past

twenty seven mobsters that have run amok in Blogtown?

Won’t you do anything?

Oh yes, I forget, they made you mayor in the first place.

Silly me, you are popular.

Inspired by Illustration Friday’s topic : “Popularity”

Pugsby Patterson

Pugsby Patterson

Pugsby certainly looks like a dog, and

the boys certainly treat him like one.

“Here Pugsby, here boy!” they say.

“Pugsby, sit.  Pugsby fetch.”

“Pugsby, chase them coppers.”

The coppers have been called to his house

thirteen times because neighbors claim

they see him burying bones in the yard.

Pugsby is great at chasing down the enemy’s

car and sniffing out his trail.

I would say all this banter is just plain mean,

except he seems to pant a lot and is often found

by fire hydrants.

One thing is for sure, the boss keeps him around…

or he just hangs around, one of the two.

“That’s a good boy, Pugsby.”

Sue Spence

Sue Spence

“Shh,” she says softly.

Snappy suspenders skillfully suspend Sue Spence.

Secretly, she steals someone’s stuff.

Sue Spence swipes. Sue snatches.

Sue scrounges.  Sue sacks.

Surprisingly, six savvy spies squandered

six seasons surveying Sue’s semblance.

Sue sidestepped seven strapping soldiers.

She skirted sixteen slick, sly sleuths.

Surveying several surrounding suburbs,

Sue swings, seamlessly, scouting susceptible suckers.

Such suspense!

Thank you, Illustration Friday for the wonderful idea: “Suspense”

Dita Reznyev

Daily Mobster’s 25th Post!

Dita Reznyev

Oh, Darghlingh, listen to story.

Twenty five post ago, we start with man.

This man has big chin, so darghlingh.

Now, here am I, for you, post twenty five.

Put on party hat, and grab glass for you to drink.

Celebrate we should. Silver for twenty five.

I loave silver my Darghlingh, I loave it.

It is, how you say, anniversary for me.

So loavly, Darghlingh.

Kiss and loave from Dita to you.