Lew Gordon

Lew Gordon: Private Eye
(In the style of a film noir limerick)

He hides behind the tree in the park,
lurks in the shadows and the dark,
following at night,
he stays out of sight,
and he never even leaves a mark.

He’s become the master of disguise,
the privatest of private eyes.
Quick-change like chameleon,
speaks Italian and Korean.
The silent, slickest spy of spies.

Sewing trenchcoats to fit in,
of wallpaper, wood or tin,
hides in the fog,
or dressed as a dog
he has even painted his skin.

So when you feel someone’s  in your midst
know that Lew Gordon exists.
It’s not a mirage,
he’s in camouflage,
And now you’re on his watch list.

Candy Cane Jane

Jane “Candy” Cane

(In the cautionary style of Rod Serling)

Sweet and sassy is lovely Mrs. Cane.

She lives with “The Candyman” on Candy Cane Lane.

Dressed to the nines in her striped bow and hat,

but quieter than an alley cat and slyer than a rat.

Strolling round town, like she hasn’t a care

then off to her house, “visitor beware.”

The windows are pink and the doors are all white,

but don’t let the paint cover up the dark fright.

All of the rooflines are deckled and shaped,

seems no one goes in who has ever escaped.

The warm glowing lights are a dainty facade,

for this “sweet” couple is terrible odd.

Some say they’re mobsters, and others say it not,

I’d suggest stay away, whatever you thought.

Big Ben Walker

Big Ben Walker

Big Ben Walker is a man of a man,

big as a bull, and a fan of pecans.

Loves mama’s own cooking, and eats a whole pie,

a big sweet heart that wouldn’t hurt a fly.

Got them tractors and plows, for potatoes and corn,

working real hard from the light of the morn’.

Big Ben Walker is a man of man,

does strong arm liftin’ more than anyone can.

Got a big mean mouth, but a soft kind stare,

he’s as big as a horse, but just a big soft bear.

Don’t get me wrong, see he ain’t no chump,

cross him wrong, and a clunk, clank, bump.

I know I said he was a nice, sweet guy,

but I only said, he wouldn’t hurt a fly.

Big Ben Walker is a man of a man,

big as a bull, and a fan of pecans.