B.B. Booker

B.B. Booker

It’s no science, but rather an art
adjusting figures to give a head start
zero here and there
and a few grand to spare
but his tactics, he’ll never impart.

The books he’ll carefully revise
so the tax man is no more the wise
through the books, he pores
some ones are now fours
the illegal, is now legalized

the accounting is clean front to back
and better yet, it’s impossible to track
the figures improved
a page is removed
and like that, from the red to the black.

The Earl of Grey

Earl of Grey

Peering down from his castle on the hill,
The Earl of Grey heats a tea refill.
When money runs old and money runs deep,
he’s all the time needed for the tea to steep.

Puff puff, from the old cigar,
a royal boss, a king, a czar

No longer bothered with petty street crimes,
no thugs, no violence, oh those were the times.
An army of pawns, work like a game of chess,
he can just snap, and they clean up the mess.

Puff puff, from the old cigar,
pass the champagne and the caviar.

An empire of violence and crime at his feet,
it ensues on the street while he sits in his suite.
But when looking for clues, his payroll’s his muse,
to polish and buff any trace from his shoes.

Puff puff, from the old cigar,
will probably write his on memoir.

Smiley Carlo

Guest Artist: Eduardo Vieira

Eduardo Vieira’s stories continue at The Daily Mobster. Remember, if you haven’t found his great work already be sure to find him on Instagram, Blogger, Facebook, YouTube, or Twitter.

Smiley Carlo
(In the style of a limerick)

Carlo was just a hobo and a thug,
Around town, just a forgettable mug.
Came the day when he crossed ole’ Duke
who sent out his dogs in a spook,
To crush down Carlo like a bug.

Duke showed Carlo who wears the crown.
Now, get out from this side of town!
But Carlo put up a fight,
gathered thugs in the night.
And went to go take Duke down.

Carlo thought he caught Duke off his guard,
but as soon as he got on Duke’s yard
Big Joe beat him all to bits,
with a knife, cut up his lips
and left Carlo nasty and scarred.

Now Carlo is forever in a smile,
he’s become vengeful, wicked and vile
He has started a war
to settle the score,
and take down Duke in style.

Professor “Chops” Bronson

Professor “Chops” Bronson

(In the style of a mad, groovy, funk beat sung by a shirtless rocker)

In between teaching English lit,
he’s with the mob, can you dig it?

Drivin’ to the high school, list’nin’ to funk,
with Mickey “The Mole”, stuffed in his trunk.

Grading papers, dancin’  the blues,
after pourin’ Mickey new cement shoes.

Who would have known, he’s a ruthless killer,
while he casually reads Arthur Miller.

(Chorus)
Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Baby, oh yeah.
Twain, London and Dickenson
Riding in his sixty nine Grem-lin
Drugs, Extortion and Hemmingway
What can he say, it’s really great pay!
Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Baby, oh yeah.

On the way to the hideout, he’s always swerving
too busy reading Washington Irving.

Drops off a shipment of a kilo of blow
Then right back to Edgar Allen Poe.

This contract work is totally radical,
lots of income while on sabbatical.

(Chorus)
Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Baby, oh yeah.
Twain, London and Dickenson
Riding in his sixty nine Grem-lin
Drugs, Extortion and Hemmingway
What can he say, it’s really great pay!
Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Baby, oh yeah.

Rhett Stetson

Rhett Stetson

(In the style of a folk ballad story)

Once you leave town and head to the west
You best know you’re puttin’, life to the test.
Crossing over, the highway nine
deep in the country, past the pines.
Watch out boys, when you hear that gun,
fore you just met, Rhett Stetson.

Ain’t no laws, ain’t no rules,
do as he says, son, don’t be a fool.
Give him yer cash, give her liquor,
or you’ll be gone, quicker than a flicker.
Once he’s done here, get on the run,
fore you just met, Rhett Stetson.

Pay up the toll for crossing his road,
hell, just for bein’ in his postal code.
open the trunk, better let him inspect,
is there anything he’d like to collect?
Alright, oh-kay, we’re almost done,
fore you just met, Rhett Stetson.

You can cry, whelp, even harangue
but at the end of the day, he took every-thang.
Now, don’t you think to try and tattle,
he’s got all them cops, rounded up like cattle.
Alright git goin’, ride to the sun,
fore you just met, Rhett Stetson

Robot Scott

Robot Scott

The mob has gotten rather bright,
enlisting androids to fight their fight.
Made in secret warehouses, all homegrown,
the most dapper, dashing, deviant drone.

Robot Scott comes fully equipped,
nothing skimped and nothing skipped.
A suit and hat make a clever disguise,
hiding in plain sight, like one of the guys.

Should someone notice his metal face,
he’s the fastest runner, just in case.
Sonar, radar, gadgets galore,
the perfect machine to fight the war.

Robot Scott leaves no hints,
no hair, no blood, no fingerprints.
Running, hiding, fighting police,
brings a new meaning to elbow grease.

It seems that the losers are The Brass,
that is until he runs out of gas.
It’s times like that he’s a piece of junk,
they should have chosen steam, punk.

Check out Illustration Friday’s: The Future

Edgar “The Egg” Egmond

Edgar “Egg” Egmond

(In the alliterative key of E)

Every evil event expects exoneration.

Enter: Edgar “Egg” Egmond.

Exactingly, elegantly, erasing evidence,

evaluating, expunging every entry,

Edgar elicits eventual extenuation.

Escaping extraditions, eschewing edicts,

even evading examining experts.

Effectively, efficiently, expertly,

“Egghead Edgar” exempts everyone.

Ex-cons, evildoers, enduring endless

exposition, eventually evade enforcement,

egregiously eluding examination.

Exit: Edgar, effortlessly.

Candy Cane Jane

Jane “Candy” Cane

(In the cautionary style of Rod Serling)

Sweet and sassy is lovely Mrs. Cane.

She lives with “The Candyman” on Candy Cane Lane.

Dressed to the nines in her striped bow and hat,

but quieter than an alley cat and slyer than a rat.

Strolling round town, like she hasn’t a care

then off to her house, “visitor beware.”

The windows are pink and the doors are all white,

but don’t let the paint cover up the dark fright.

All of the rooflines are deckled and shaped,

seems no one goes in who has ever escaped.

The warm glowing lights are a dainty facade,

for this “sweet” couple is terrible odd.

Some say they’re mobsters, and others say it not,

I’d suggest stay away, whatever you thought.

Senor Suspendador

Señor Suspendador

Scoot, Scurry, Scramble!

Sue Spence spawns similar swinging swindler!

Sadly, seven souls site scamming situations.

Shoppers suspect shoplifting; some see stealing.

Suspended somewhere, swings Señor Suspendador.

Señor’s sneaky scheme sidesteps security systems.

Señor skips surveillance, skillfully simulating shadows.

Six savings storehouses succumb. Stickup, stickup!

Scared salary savers stampede, silver stockers scream!

Señor skips showily, stashing stolen savings.

Señor Suspendador slights Sue Spence, saying,

“Señor’s scamming surpasses Sue!

Suckers!”

For Illustration Friday’s: Suspend

“Ears” DeRoma

“Ears” DeRoma

“Ears”, “Ears”, he’ll never impose,

but the more he hears, the more he knows.

Carefully noting every detail,

compiling his list of notes and black mail.

Looking so meek in his argyle vest,

while stashing away all that’s confessed.

He can tell who’s who without turning around,

simply by listening to every sound.

Dumbo and Dopey, he’s heard all the names,

and tired of playing such childish games.

DeRoma is paid quite a handsome fee,

for secrets, gossip, and spying, you see.

So say what you will about his ears and his hat,

but beware, he will hear, far more than that.