“Duct Tape” Dave

“Duct Tape” Dave

Well, well, well, what do you know.

All wrapped up with nowhere to go.

Just like your brother, you just had that itch

a secret, a story, you just had to snitch.

Getting so chummy with the cops, you dummy,

got you all wrapped up like a scummy old mummy.

Unfortunate for you, it’s Halloween,

so you’ll go unnoticed, virtually unseen.

Kids with candy, laughing, wide eyed,

stare back at your eyes, mummified.

Go ahead, just try to escape,

walking is hard when you’re wrapped up in tape.

The next time you go and try to confess,

we’ll run you through the embalming process.

Illustration Friday‘s: Entangled

Lew Gordon

Lew Gordon: Private Eye
(In the style of a film noir limerick)

He hides behind the tree in the park,
lurks in the shadows and the dark,
following at night,
he stays out of sight,
and he never even leaves a mark.

He’s become the master of disguise,
the privatest of private eyes.
Quick-change like chameleon,
speaks Italian and Korean.
The silent, slickest spy of spies.

Sewing trenchcoats to fit in,
of wallpaper, wood or tin,
hides in the fog,
or dressed as a dog
he has even painted his skin.

So when you feel someone’s  in your midst
know that Lew Gordon exists.
It’s not a mirage,
he’s in camouflage,
And now you’re on his watch list.

“The Barman”

“The Barman”

Coming into town from far around,
all the folks, both clean and sleazy,
Barman, pour another round!
This is a speakeasy, so shhh, speak easy.

Hope you know the password here,
don’t form any lines outside.
Wines, spirits, tonics, beers,
but only if you can get inside.

The bouncer, bar tender, the cigarette vendor,
he’s a one stop libations compound.
When laws are passed that make him an offender,
they take their operation underground.

So drink and be merry, but no need to riot
so check your weapons at the door.
Enjoy, but speak easy, so keep it quiet.
Psst, Barman, can I have another pour?

“Ears” DeRoma

“Ears” DeRoma

“Ears”, “Ears”, he’ll never impose,

but the more he hears, the more he knows.

Carefully noting every detail,

compiling his list of notes and black mail.

Looking so meek in his argyle vest,

while stashing away all that’s confessed.

He can tell who’s who without turning around,

simply by listening to every sound.

Dumbo and Dopey, he’s heard all the names,

and tired of playing such childish games.

DeRoma is paid quite a handsome fee,

for secrets, gossip, and spying, you see.

So say what you will about his ears and his hat,

but beware, he will hear, far more than that.

Leo Black

The 50th Mobster!

Leo Black

(In the style of a 1930s Jim Croce)

Drive in his car, he’ll play the guitar,

sit right back and he’ll sing you a track.

Grumpy, frumpy, old and lumpy,

this big boss is Leo Black.

Shrewd, crude and rather rude,

he controls the land, south of the track.

Joking, smoking, always provoking

everyone from the river and back.

There was a sighting, which incited fighting,

when I got lost and found Mickey Mac.

Chaw was smacking, knuckles cracking,

I said, “Hey, Mac, cut me some slack.”

Mac grinned in the wind, and I was pinned

“Hey, I’m just a kid, and they call me Jack.”

Down on the ground, in the wrong part of town,

I needed something to stop this attack.

Black came out from my car, with my guitar,

Mac looked at him crazy, as he began to unpack.

“What’s with the case, gonna sing us a song?”

The boys came at Black to give him flak.

Then the boys all fled, away from the lead,

shooting from the case, clack clack clack!

Leo Black may be mad and real bad,

I’m just glad Black had my back.

Bruce Boxer

Bruce Boxer

(In the alliterative key of B)

Boxing buffs, bring big bucks!

Booking bets before boxing bell bangs!

Buy big beers by betting boxes!

Brace before brilliant battles.

Bruce Boxer brawls Big Bad Bart!

Boss Boston bets Bruce Boxer beats Big Bad Bart.

Bam, Boom, Bang, Bop! Bloody, bruising bludgeoning!

Bruce busts Bart’s belly. Bart bangs Bruce’s back.

Bruce bounces back, bashing Bart’s breast.

Bart bounds, besieging below Bruce’s belt.

Bruce bends, broken, but boxing bells bing!

Boss Boston beckons Bruce. Boss binds bricks

between Bruce’s boxing bindings.

Boxing buzzer buzzes!

Bruce boomerangs, backfiring Bart,

bloodying brains, breaking bones.

Bart befalls blackout.

Bruce buries bricks behind back before being barred.

“Rat” Hampton

“Rat” Hampton

Rat! Rat! I smell a rat!

A rat in a coat, scarf and hat!

Secrets! Secrets! Keep them away,

all the “Rat” does is lead you astray.

Snitch! Snitch! I spy a snitch!

Don’t let him do the ol’ bait’n’switch

Fink! Fink! I hear a fink!

Don’t ever tell him what you think.

Hush! Hush! Don’t be too vocal.

Watch out for “Rat,” the town snitch local.

For Illustration Friday‘s “Vocal”